February 04, 2012

For all who are struggling, use these ideas of the past two days' columns to explore every resource to help children have a fair chance at growing up with food, shelter, and security.

We can all help, by making sure the clothes, toys, and furnishings we no longer use, go to places like Goodwill.

Working on a marriage means acknowledging the distractions and people that interfere with it, and making changes.

A relationship of mutual love is worth making a major effort to stay together.

When the same drama keeps re-playing, change the script and stop accepting shabby treatment.

After a separation-period affair, reconciling usually requires couples' counselling together.

When roommate tension is escalating, get help.

A partner's annoying nervous tic needs your understanding, to encourage finding distractions.

Adult children who want a relationship with their parents need some understanding of the aging process.

A big mouth is a red flag to friendship, since it destroys trust.

Get expert help for complex problems.

Help teenagers learn the social value of decent table manners.

If you're doing the "chasing," the other party doesn't have to show interest... or feel it.

Loyalty to the wrong partner choice isn't being loyal to yourself.

In a multi-problem family, nurture the relationships that do work.

When a relationship's been toxic, repairing it requires both parties to do the work.

When the future feels too vague and far off, work on a timeline together.

Sometimes relationship red flags are raised by others who care about you - and sometimes they're as clear as day.

Post-divorce dating often takes time to find the balance between kids and a new partner.

When unfocused behaviour persists, consider a medical check for reasons.

What happens between siblings is theirs to resolve.

Don't ignore red flags just to prove something to others.

Stop snooping and get counselling to find solutions.

Help this mother with ideas for a better 2012.

Social media etiquette Rule #1 - Do NOT become a media pest. It's a huge turn-off.

When a friendship sours during an emotional time, examines both sides' contribution.

Major decisions between spouses need to at least acknowledge the needs and interests of both.

When friends become lovers and emotions run deeper, find new ways to respond to disputes.

Moving forward in your own life - plus therapy - takes the trauma out of occasionally seeing your ex.

When the future can't be discussed, the present is a waiting game that can end in disappointment.

Opposing an adult child's relationship often draws the couple closer.

When confused, learn facts, and then pay attention to your feelings.

It's never just one mistake that can end a marriage, but everything that went before that wasn't "fixed."

You need to understand the "why" of an emotional blow, to truly forgive and forget.

Partners need to be open to understanding and respecting each other as time brings changed views.

Happy Holidays to all! 'Tis the season to remember to treat others as you want to be treated yourself. 

A rush to romance isn't always a positive signal.

When both sides have cheated, the relationship needs professional help to survive.

Prolonged bitterness often has an old root.

Staying with someone out of "guilt" does neither of you a favour.

What happens on a "break," stays on that break.

Resolve the issues with the person you love; rather than escape to someone you hardly know.

When relatives love an unruly dog, manage your response diplomatically.

Diaries are personal documents as well as history, and the decision of what to do with them, especially while living, is also personal.

When male OR female dating signals seem odd, something usually is.

When you push relationship commitments too quickly, you risk scaring the other person away.

When a spouse withholds sex, the other needs to know why. Period.

Past Christmas discord warrants setting boundaries to create family harmony.

Stalking is no less a crime if it's by an ex.

Don't try to rush a casual acquaintanceship into "dating."

Even when doing business with a friend, document your payment agreement.

A break is better than living with resentment.

Hanging onto past grievances is more harmful to you than the person you resent.

Pursuing a very complicated relationship means trouble ahead.

Major differences between a loving couple can be overcome.... with much compassion and compromise.

A parent has the right to be true to his/her own socially acceptable principles.

Violence along with money grabs warrants ending a volatile marriage.

Foregoing education to just wait to get married and have kids is not a practical or self-enhancing goal.

An adult child who's "lost" may someday still hope to be found. Don't give up.

A divorcing adult child needs emotional support plus common-sense guidance.

If you want to know where the relationship stands, stop smothering it.

Avoid getting entangled in others' cheating. It can reflect badly on you.

Cheating devastates relationships; rarely is it a solution.

Be careful that your own badmouthing of someone doesn't come back to bite you, when you change your opinion.

Personal diaries are often TMI for your grown children.

Affairs spark controversy for everyone involved.

Always check your "Send" before you click on it!

Shopaholics have a compulsion that requires professional therapy, IF they accept the need for change.

An enduring love affair brings personal joy, but don't expect others will approve.

Adult children have the right and necessity to put firm boundaries up against an outrageously, intrusive parent.

Some behaviours are nasty red flags, while others signal that adjustments and compromises are needed.

Give adult children boundaries for long stays, and deadlines for moving out.

Commitment between a couple is clear, whether there are wedding vows, or not.

Scheduling split families requires pre-planning and flexibility.

Never stop trying to re-connect with your children, but don't link this to your support obligations unless through the court system.

When the ME-Factor determines all your behaviour, long-term relationships don't stand a chance.

When a partner doesn't care about what's NOT acceptable, the union won't last.

For an MIL, wisdom trumps personal sensitivity.

When advising friends, bring a positive approach rather than disapproval.

Toxic family dynamics are the sole responsibility of the people who fuel them.

Weighing your relationship options too long is an unfair stall.

Do NOT give in to pressure for sex if it's not what YOU want.

Have a Happy Halloween that keeps your children and others safe, as well as playful.

A relationship develops from an emotional draw, not just choosing between candidates.

Moving in together requires some discussion ahead of how to make it work.

The reality of an affair, no matter how wonderful, is that it risks hurting others you care about.

It's basic Relationship Rules - Your "schedule" has to make time for the other person, too.

Gut instinct can be about your own hang-ups, more than about another's behaviour.

Work consciously at staying connected, if you want the relationship to survive.

Opposing an adult child's choice of partner is often a losing strategy.

A break needs to be long enough to know what you miss, and don't miss.

Deceit's a double-edged sword.

An apology and the end of inappropriate contacts are strong signals to renew trust.

Speak up for your own standards and choices, despite others' criticisms.

It's disrespectful to your partner to elevate a colleague to the same level of closeness.

Families can move on from divorce but children need special help with it.

Divorce only ends the marriage, not the family connection, nor your personal issues.

Dog-owners, who are guests, need to protect not only their pets, but also any children around them.

Post-affair counseling is usually required for both spouses to learn how to re-build the marriage.

Young people need encouragement and healthy role models to make good choices for themselves.

Any sizeable gathering (weddings) including relatives and alcohol, can encounter "incidents." Think ahead.

In early relationships, don't overreact on reasonable friendships with ex'es.

When family connections are repeatedly destructive, sever them.

"Slut-Dressing" may attract attention, but it's NEVER an excuse for violence.

A new baby can often provide the opportunity for adult children and their parents to re-connect in a healthier relationship than in their past.

Warn someone close about the consequences of keeping explosive secrets.

A bride and groom have the right to include their parents at all celebrations, no matter past issues.

Couples need to talk about regular mood changes, including PMS, with each other and a doctor.

Don't force your healthy changes on your partner... just model them.

Great relationships don't come from just wishing, you need to be confident and open, with a fresh approach.

Leaving an abusive relationship signals crucial self-protection.

When torn between two loves, you may not be ready to permanently choose either.

Probing family secrets requires careful handling.

When one parent rules the family schedule without consultation, the other parent may distance emotionally.

Children need thoughtful, caring help adjusting to "new" family life.

Fantasies are common and normal so long as you don't obsess about them, nor force them on others. 

Rise above past hostilities with your ex to celebrate your child's wedding.

When there's a cycle of distancing and distrust, re-examine why you're together.

Intervene in bullying, before it gathers dangerous momentum.

Know that lending money to friends/family may risk friendship and the money.

Handling difficult in-law relationships takes maturity on both sides, and a united front from the younger couple.

In-laws are family, unless they're ruining your family.

Stay out of the middle of others' relationships.

Both sides of a couple's families have to be considered for harmony among in-laws, whenever possible.

Bad-mouthing a sibling's spouse can come back to bite you.

When a relationship stalemates, you have to speak up for what you want.

Flirting when you're already attached can send a signal of looking for trouble.

When prostate surgery is necessary, be prepared and positive about the process of recovery.

A fiancé who ignores your feelings, isn't ready to be a partner.

Don't leave "home" without knowledge and careful consideration.

A needy parent needs reassurances PLUS firm boundaries when adult children form long term relationships.

Handle an intrusive colleague by speaking up firmly before it becomes an HR matter.

It's self-protective to reconsider a marriage that makes you miserable, but self-defeating to leave if uncertain or unprepared.

When your time together is more trouble and less love, the problems MUST be discussed, and the relationship repaired or ended.

Friendship isn't a license to comment on the most sensitive issues, unless asked.

Racism in a parent is obnoxious, but can't always be fought until you're living independently.

When someone's in deep grief, those closest should stay supportive and aware of  their emotional state.

When a house guest behaves disgustingly, say goodbye.

Being true to yourself helps make you happy and satisfied with whatever role you choose.

Give a partner and yourself enough time to adapt to your differences.

Weight is a personal matter, which only you can decide to accept and/or manage.

The FWB label means it's not a lasting relationship; so don't be surprised when it ends.

When you cross the commitment line, ask yourself whether you're breaking away on purpose.

Don't become the back-up plan for someone contemplating divorce.

If you carry other people's prejudices into a relationship, you risk losing your integrity, and your partner.

Before making a stay-or-go decision, get professional help for insights on how both of you got to this point.

It takes confidence in your own values to forestall having sex until you feel a commitment to the relationship.

When dating someone with young children, best to move slowly and thoughtfully before involving them.

Friends With Benefits need to know when to re-define the relationship and when to move on.

Financial information must be shared, if a relationship is a true partnership.

Extended families should be creative when planning how to "share" special holidays.

Holding anger against past hurts can work against you in future relationships.

Don't try to "fix" a partner's relationships with parents or siblings, unless specifically asked to intervene.

Sexual abuse is a crime that cannot be left as a "secret," once you are aware of it.

When someone close could be "settling" in their marriage choice, ask questions that spark their own re-thinking, not yours.

Virginity is a valid personal choice.

If a one-time affair happened with others' awareness, better to confess than have your partner hear it through gossip.

Stand up for your partner, rather than conform to other's prejudices.

Suffocation is NOT love, it's an ordeal.

When a partner checks out of the marriage emotionally, start protecting yourself and your future.

When one partner has already left the marriage emotionally, the other should prepare for his/her own response to this and consider future plans.

Never marry only because of pressure.

Couples' counselling can help give both parties an enlightened new chance together.

When you block your emotions, you miss out on joy in favour of fear.

Mature love needs mature decisions, such as protections for a new relationship involving children.

If porn negatively affects your relationship, try compromise, or confront an addiction if present.

Past abuse affects relationships, unless you deal with it.

Don't let jealous friends affect your relationship.

Children at risk need close monitoring and legal protections.

When life is joyless, get pro-active to improve whatever you can.

Fighting isn't the problem, but how you fight often is.

Relationships need mutual plans to thrive over time.

Pursuing opportunities when young is natural and healthy. 

Different backgrounds need to be understood, and compromises found.

When meeting someone new to consider dating, keep your eyes and ears open for red flags like anger flashes.

If you can't tolerate someone's habits before marriage, re-think your future plans.

You can't change an alcoholic... but an alcoholic can change.

Life has pleasant surprises, at any age, once you're open to them.

Make time for family, or risk missing out on the fun, love, and emotional support.

If you won't talk about your sexual relationship, you shut down the emotional connection to improve it.

Participating in wedding events requires knowing what you can afford.

Don't try to "fix" someone before you've built trust together.

Small annoyances sometimes reflect bigger relationship problems.

Accepting being "the secret" in someone's life means accepting second-class status.

A longtime deadbeat parent/spouse doesn't change easily or quickly.

If snooping feels necessary, think ahead to HOW, and IF you're able, to handle the information you find.

Revealing buried family secrets can cause far more disruption than bonding.

When personal standards differ widely, you both need to love each other enough to find compromises.

Read the future from a partner's consistent NO to what you want.

Out-ing someone requires having real knowledge and knowing the partner wants the truth.

Changing from your past mistakes takes time and visible effort, to be trusted.

Your past regrets don't always interest others.

Living with anger and bitterness is unhealthy for everyone involved.

Romance takes time, not just dreams.

When someone does an unpredictable flip-flop on the relationship, the change lies with him or her, not you.

Fear of flying is a phobia that often requires professional help to surmount.

Accept when a relationship is truly over. Otherwise, you only prolong your own pain and inability to move forward.

There are many after-effects of an affair, which, if you didn't think of them beforehand, need addressing NOW.

Getting past an affair is possible, through much effort. See Part Two tomorrow.

After receiving shabby treatment for years, change has to be visible and believable.

If you have a strong belief system, seek a like-minded network.

When one partner's feelings are much stronger than the others, discuss and try to compromise.

Rejection and betrayal are deep emotional cuts that require healing time and thoughtful self-preservation.

Don't dramatize dates that don't work out into  "rejections."

Being "willing" to have a baby, isn't the same as being READY to raise one.

Relationships that involve another's children require a willingness to adapt.

Waiting for acceptance delays your own life.

Being sensitive to another's feelings sometimes requires adjusting your behaviour.

A wide gap in attitudes about personal finances can keep a couple apart in other ways, too.

Lying hurts relationships, period.

A private friendship with another man would upset most husbands.

Repeated roughhouse as "affection" often signals greater pain ahead.

When a partner has to cool some togetherness for work reasons, make your free time special.

Some explosive family issues require careful probing, not accusations.

A once-convenient relationship can become uncomfortable for all involved.

Sometimes, doubts about a relationship are well deserved.

Bring a ready willingness to absorb what a therapist tells you.

A dating relationship will evolve naturally if you don't rush to label it.

When a family secret (that's true) threatens to explode, speak up first.

A divided attitude toward sex in marriage may indicate deeper problems that require professional help.

If you leave a relationship in limbo for too long, it'll end badly.

Emotional affairs steal energy from a marriage, as much or more than sexual ones.

When you know it's over, further discussion won't change things.

When a partner changes noticeably, probe the cause before you make a life-altering decision.

Prepare ahead for "Plan B" steps to take for family events that threaten to become embarrassing.

Before a relationship reaches the breaking point, get pro-active with different approaches... if possible.

Instead of criticizing, show the  "slobs" you care about the cleaner way.

Moving in together calls for equal financial responsibility or full agreement on any other plan.

Bad-mouthing another's mate choice can destroy a friendship.

A break-up is a better choice than clinging to someone who doesn't love you anymore.

Whether dumped or ended it yourself, move forward.

When you accept a limited relationship like sex-only, don't be surprised at other missing pieces, like honesty.

Don't let old relationships rule your present life.

During a new phase of life, a relationship needs time and thoughtful solutions to adjust to the growing pains.

When the intensity of a friendship becomes too intrusive for one side, back off.

An unhealthy relationship, which is obvious and feels bad, requires you to take action to change or end it.

A teenager misbehaving in a stepparent's home is a walking cry for help, not just judgement.

Don't overreact to vague suspicions of cheating, but do start talking about your relationship.

Controlling behaviour makes relationships uncomfortable, often creating the divide that ends it.

When dating someone exclusively, opposite-sex friends must respect that person's comfort level.

Long distance relationships require emotional maturity along with integrity and commitment.

When you mess up, listen to your heart, not everyone else's opinions.

Give a cheating friend a harsh wake-up call.

When friends live out a drama they choose, you need only comment once for them to know how you see it.

Close ties with a business partner still need appropriate boundaries.

When a parent won't change, it's your reaction that CAN change.

Marrying the person you don't love is the loneliest of choices.

Dating-site users need to learn selective strategies when chatting online and preparing to meet someone.

The parental model you dislike can become your own, unless you consciously avoid it.

Re-building a marriage requires patience, self-understanding, and personal change.

When a relationship descends into snooping and counter espionage, it's more about the search than the trust. End it.

When the trouble alert is sounding, a silent response is unacceptable.

Pornography is a complex issue because it's easily accessible, but also easily divisive to couples.

Insecurity breeds jealousy and conflict, often based on past experiences, not present matters.

You get stuck in the past if you don't acknowledge the reality of what happened.

"Moving on" requires getting moving... towards help with direction, then planning and action.

It's time to "cut your losses" when there's no evidence of gains.

When you're treated as second-rate, someone else will always come first.

When a friend's behaviour creates a negative impression, be supportive in ways that can boost her/his self-esteem.

After a divorce, children have a right to normalized relationships with their parent AND the new partner.

Cheating affects everyone involved in a relationship, including kids. Be aware of the consequences.

Cheating CAN be the spark for re-building a relationship, if both partners work at this.

Persistent bad behaviour only changes when the person works very hard at it.

When a third party is an ongoing, intrusive part of the marriage, one partner's purposefully blocking his/her spouse.

Be thoughtful about your relationships; don't be an April Fool about what matters to you.

You can't force a partner to cook, but you can stop making meals easy for him/ her.

When a friend's home is visibly unkempt, consider ways to help in a non-judgmental way.

Waiting around for people to change is a set-up for disappointment.

A “new best friend” can divide a couple, if the partner’s always excluded.

The BIG ISSUE is often a metaphor for a power struggle in the relationship.

Comments on the behaviour of a friend's child should be diplomatic and instructive, not just critical.

  When you have the knowledge to protect a friend's health, speak up.

Make a deal-breaker issue clear, rather than maintain a power struggle.

The one who slips away is simply not The One.

Child abuse must never be tolerated, despite any connections to the abuser. You have a legal and moral duty to report it to child welfare authorities and/or to police.

It's their job to investigate, not yours.

Find direction by learning your options and testing a new path.

When there's ongoing involvement with an ex, boundaries must be set.

It IS possible to quit smoking and stop gambling with your life, but it's a decision only YOU can make.

Confidence brings realization that you're already successful at whatever you're doing.

When there are positive changes, and children are involved, try first to rebuild the relationship.

When the messages are clear, don't imagine there are hidden meanings.

Being ready to settle down means looking for true love, not just "settling."

With known personality differences, stop the pressure and find compromises.

A couple's decision about whether to have a child MUST be openly discussed, not hijacked by one party.

When a new relationship could affect many people in your life, think it through carefully.

Don't waste energy expecting boorish people to make amends.

When an ex-spouse's presence annoys you, think of the kids and some solutions, before you create a nasty rift.

When size matters too much, try new sexual techniques and/or a more loving partner.

Different phases of family life call for adapting creatively.

Being drunk is a crummy excuse if it ruins a friendship.

A work friendship can be innocent, but using it as an escape causes problems.

When income levels differ, it's the compromises that matter more than the amounts.

Rifts between extended family are often deep-rooted from earlier causes, not just recent events. 

Rejection may have the actual hold on you, not your ex.

When a close person's approaching a crisis, support can help the situation far more than judgment.

Don't look for a problem, if the important things are going well.

"Petty" issues often come from bigger power struggles that need to be understood and addressed. 

Rushing into romance after loss or separation can upset that relationship and the whole family.

"Secret" relationships often stagnate and fail to move forward in healthy ways.

The transition from treating people carelessly to wanting commitment can require taking some deserved hits.

If you rely on parents financially, it's hard to insist you can do what you like.

When your health is at risk, social niceties are far less important.

A relative's safety with an abused spouse should be monitored closely.

If you wait for a health scare to stop smoking, it can be too late.

For a Happy Valentine's Day, make sure romance and reality are in sync.

If you can't forgive someone, free yourself and him/her from the relationship.

When you work around another's bad behaviour, you can't expect any change.

When a loved partner seeks more excitement, consider how to add it to your life together.

A sudden separation should trigger efforts to know and learn from what went wrong.

Counselling can help you handle a troubled partner, even if he/she won't go with - or without - you.

A divorce "celebration" can be as simple as a moment of reflection, or whatever moves you forward.

Mementoes from a past relationship are only worrisome if the ex is too often part of the present.

Extended family visits need thoughtful planning ahead. 

In-laws need respect on both sides, more than instant love.

Shattered trust often destroys intimacy.

A work friendship can be innocent, but using it as an escape causes problems.

Responding to a spouse's affair with revenge does nothing to help the marriage.

When there's joint custody, there should be joint civility and cooperation from both of the couples' families.

When you look at conflict as a couple "team," the solutions are easier to find.

If a would-be partner lets her family treat you badly, stop all plans till this is resolved. 

The way to stop unwanted flirting is to be direct, and say NO.

When the past dominates your present, get counselling to find true peace of mind for the future.

The lessons learned in relationships that don't work, can lead to better judgment.

The things you accept early in a relationship are often what you dislike but can't change later.

In early relationships, you mess up badly, you lose. Think before overreacting.

When families are estranged, someone has to have the courage to create a better connection.

Do not mistake feelings of rejection for lost love.

Have the courage to follow your own instincts on whether to have a child.

If you stay together after an affair, value the spouse who still wants you, or it won't last. 

When smoke gets in the way, compromise or re-think the relationship.

If a relationship is likely to cause parental disapproval, be open sooner than later, rather than add deception.

When planning to re-marry, a couple needs to agree on dealings and boundaries with their ex'es. 

A serious phobia must be addressed professionally, since coaxing or ignoring it won't help.

Every new relationship phase requires adjustment - communication helps, criticism hinders.

When winning's the dominant goal between partners, both become losers.

Relationship changes need to be talked out, not just denied by the hurt party.

Ignoring major differences over years, puts a relationship at risk when there are challenges.

When a trauma threatens your stability and self-image, get counselling. 

When adult children are happily following a different path, respect their choice and privacy.

The "secrets" you reveal too casually often become open news to others.

Six months of dating should tell you where a relationship is going...or never going.

There's help available, if only you reach out for it.

Wishing all, love, laughter and health in 2011.

Family "ghosts" need to be accepted before they can be dismissed.

Tell a cheater how you feel about his/her behaviour that hurts someone you care about.

Family disapproval needn't be a relationship deal-breaker.... unless you can't handle doing without it.

Forgiveness is gifted, not guaranteed.

Season's Greetings to all, for peace, joy, and goodwill in your relationships. 

Addiction of any kind can ruin a relationship, unless both people agree to manage it.

When it's down to Job vs. Family, go with your heart.

If you "mother" a partner, he/she may easily respond as a child.

When you're the backup for a romantic partner's pursuit of another, back out of the game.

Trim Christmas to its basic message and create new traditions you can manage.

A generous partner deserves deeper understanding.

Dating a married person inevitably reaches a turning point, or turmoil.

Date nights provide opportunity for intimacy, but they aren't the only solution to marriage breakdown.

When you hang onto a User, you easily end up the Loser.

Moving on from a relationship should include knowing what really went wrong.

Entering the new lifestyle of being parents takes at least as much thought and planning as entering the workplace.

From a reader - "The reality is, marriage is work...hard work!!"

When dating, focus on who the person really is, rather than on your own fears.

Marriage break-up is tougher than you imagine from the perspective of an affair.

It's in everyone's best interest to be sensitive about poor workplace hygiene.

When you change your reactions, old behaviours change too.

If you can't accept porn addiction, you'll be unable to stay happy with the addict.

If you pick away at another's old anger at you, it's bound to hurt him/her again.

Leave your fantasies to private daydreams, or their exposure can make you look the fool.

When a spouse says the "straying" is over, believe or leave.

Over-intellectualizing a relationship can interfere with knowing your own feelings.

When a family crisis is looming, find your inner strength instead of caving to fear.

A committed partner shouldn't mind having you "meet" his/her online friends.

Loving someone new should never have to mean giving up a child.

Loving someone new should never have to mean giving up a child.

When a close relative remarries, families need to adjust to a shift in dynamics.

When a close relative remarries, families need to adjust to a shift in dynamics.

Look for the real meaning and motivation behind sensitive "issues" that arise during a separation.

Be sure of what's shadowing you instead of just ignoring it. 

When in-laws are nasty, it's their adult child who has to respond or rebuff.

If you can't stay civil, it's hard to stay connected.

People who won't confront their past demons, often can't trust relationships. 

People who refuse to adapt to others, often end up alone.

Married people, who welcome flirting, risk turning off their spouses' goodwill.

When married people behave as singles, they may not "get" the need to change.

Marital problems need a direct focus, instead of a scapegoat.

When someone treats you like a fool, get smart and leave.

Be sure you're reading "interest" signals correctly before you seek a connection.

After a rape, any close relationship needs to be built slowly.

Balancing family needs is a lifetime project.

After an affair, both partners need to commit to getting past it.

The "name" issue is usually a metaphor for other relationship concerns.

Living with an alcoholic requires understanding yourself and your reasons.

Trying to make sex a part of your life together, isn't demeaning, it's healthy and wise.

Shared child custody requires compromises and compassion whenever possible.

When a situation's too comfortable, there's no incentive to move forward.

Insecurity can destroy a relationship, unless you confront it in YOU.

Internet dating, without any personal contact, still leaves much unknown about your cyber-partner.

A break can lead to positive changes, once it's discussed.

When one party keeps going his/her own way, expect an unhappy ending.

Early love needs to be developed through mutual comfort and communication.

Persistent "rescuing" isn't a healthy relationship dynamic, for either side.

When someone in love risks an outside affair, there's future risk of cheating.

Separating is sometimes necessary for people to find a healthy way forward.

Instead of escaping in work or fantasies, give your marriage a concentrated chance.

If you accept being controlled, it won't change.

When temptation beckons, your gut instincts are usually self-protective.

When a spouse insists you make a choice, he/she must also consider choices.

A health check, and changed routines can restore lovemaking.

An "elephant" stays in the room if you let it become part of the scene.

When the complications are overwhelming, a break can clear your mind.

Truth telling becomes critical when someone's bent on sabotage.

When a troubled spouse won't seek help, go alone.

Assess a partner by the big things that brought you together.

An affair doesn't "fix" problems, it usually creates added chaos.

Work diplomatically around sensitive issues that can't be resolved together.

Divorce takes work, period!

Expect a partner's kids to be involved, not control.

A revealed secret can be the turning point in a relationship - for good OR bad.

Improving a relationship requires changed expectations from both partners.

When a relationship starts in the midst of someone's crisis, expect serious obstacles in its path.

When "love" means something different to each partner, the relationship usually flounders.

Excluding your partner's family is often a one-sided, harmful tactic.

When a relationship's highly risky, stop dithering and get out.

Controlling, embarrassing behaviour is sure to cause a partner to re-think the relationship.

When the reasons for separating are clear, accept reality.

Protect your emotional health from situations that de-stabilize you.

When parents challenge your choice of mate, be sure you know your own feelings.

Flaunting flesh among former lovers is unlikely to encourage a partner's trust.

In-law problems are often kept going by the adult child's immaturity.

Alcoholism in one member affects whole families. Al-Anon/Alateen can be helpful.

The right person often comes along when you're most content with yourself, not desperate for change.

A freeloader will take more and more advantage, until stopped.

Don't enter a "partnership" when you aren't treated as a partner.

Weigh carefully whether confession will cause more hurt or healing for both parties involved.

Supporting a loved one doesn't mean taking on their personal traumas yourself.

Signing onto a Do Not Call list is far healthier than phone fights with strangers.

Someone who repeatedly shuts down relationships gets good at it, and final. 

A huge gap in finances can be far more divisive than an age difference.

When your well-considered choices feel right, focus on your happiness, not others' disapproval.

The tragic loss of innocent lives on this date in 2001, reminds us to cherish daily the important relationships in our lives.

  By refusing to accept repeated betrayals you preserve self-respect, instead of suspicion and pain.

Being "together" must also allow for agreeing on time apart.

When the labels aren't clear, neither is the relationship.

  Dealing with the mess after an affair requires taking your own responsibility immediately.

When a lover chooses his/her family over an illicit affair, reality has trumped fantasy. 

"Man's best friend" can be doggone insistent about preferring a woman.

Though divorce is tough on the whole family, parents' re-uniting is their decision.

When routines feel oppressive, allow for some re-energizing changes.

An insecure wife needs reassurance, not forced competition for her husband's time and interest.

  Bad houseguests can ruin a friendship, unless you keep the relationship outside the home.

An addiction becomes the third party in a relationship, unless confronted by both partners.

"Random" sex can actually be a targeted nightmare.

Being a stepparent requires having more maturity than the conflicted child.

Silent withdrawal from a relationship is a signal to take a break rather than cling harder.

When children know a parent is cheating their silence hides inner conflict.

In a relationship, a face-off is about resolving it, not winning the game.

Someone still living with their spouse isn't truly "free" in mind or body till they're apart.

Is "confession" good for a relationship? Contribute to a debate on this delicate decision.

Dividing chores isn't a crisis...unless it's a cover for bigger issues.

When an ex-lover crowds your relationship, take a break.

When a friendship's easily dropped, don't expect an easy revival.

Showering expensive gifts in early dating sets up expectations about far more than love.

If your output is far more than the other person's input, weigh the value of staying together.

When an affair persists, stop butting heads and get help discussing what's going to happen.

When a would-be partner behaves irresponsibly, hold back from moving in together.

Lifestyle decisions don't have to be isolating, if you seek understanding companionship.

Being a stepparent doesn't mean caving in to indulgence, and lack of boundaries.

Legal guardianship of a youngster requires awareness, and a caring level of intervention when needed.

A romantic obsession becomes self-destructive when it prevents you from moving forward.

Cheating not only risks marriages, but also relationships with children and friends as well.

Don't let a friend's destination wedding plans, put YOU in debt. 

When the future with someone looks bleak, don't prolong the present.

When nothing about a relationship adds up, it's based on zero.

Compassion for a friend's difficulties is a value to nurture as much as reasonable and possible.

A dog can be woman's and man's best friend, if the humans act as a team.

Commitment's crucial before a baby.

When sexual harassment or abuse is involved, especially of minors, a cheater MUST be reported.

When friends' changed values makes you lose respect, you can lose the friendship too.  

Therapy that "fits" probes background reasons for persistent emotional pain.

When an adult child's dramas threaten your own spouse relationship, set boundaries.

Closing down intimacy and trust only exacerbate relationship problems.

A true friend gives the gift of truth when needed.

Next, Part Three stresses how cheating requires us to think about people's lives, not gossip or speculation.

More insights and surprises on cheating, in Parts Two and Three over the next days.

Communicate through open feelings, not open criticism. 

Ongoing ignorance from relatives calls for limited exposure.

The place of intimacy in the relationship is up to both parties to discuss.

An emotionally divided home can negate all the messages about family unity.

In relationships, be aware which lines are too deep to cross.

Feeling "trapped" is poisonous to a relationship; free yourself.

Frequent power struggles usually reflect frustrations that need discussion, not "winning."

When the problem seems at a standoff, look for an underlying cause.

When an alcoholic partner can't or won't save him/herself, bolster your own strength to carry on.

Grieving the end of a marriage is natural and healthy.

Asking a mother to "choose" child or spouse is a nasty set-up.

The Nanny Debate is a joint negotiation, if it's to work for the whole family.

When old trouble comes back knocking on the door, only a fool opens it.

When factual evidence rings alarms, get pro-active in response.

Looking mature doesn't equate to having life experience, so be sure of what you can handle.

If you choose to snoop, think about how long you can accept repeated excuses before it feels worse than leaving.

The topic's too hot to drop: Read Part Two tomorrow, July 3rd.

A Dad's encouragement leaves more impression than what is on his head.

The heartache of a break-up can be healed with self-knowledge and new attitudes.

A relationship isn't a viable goal, unless you're truly ready.

Adult children's wedding-day bliss benefits all.

If you report bad news, remember that some people "shoot the messenger."

In a relationship to last, share your doubts as well as your dreams.

Avoid jealous overreactions through communication and confidence.

When breaking up, maintain a no-sex zone with your soon-to-be ex.

Avoiding nasty, bigoted grandparents can be crucial to a family's well-being.

Maintaining and re-evaluating your family's values is a constant part of parenting.

An extra-marital affair needs to be understood if it's to be forgiven.

Listening to what seems foolish can give clues to other realities.

Avoiding sex is often a symptom of lost self-love, rather than lost romantic love.

Meddling, in the name of "mothering," is still interfering in others' lives.

In most father-daughter issues (excluding abuse), the son-in-law shouldn't interfere.

Gossipy speculation within the family can leave you "outed" as the Nasty One.

A call for closer commitment can make or break a relationship.

You can only attempt to repair a relationship, not another person.

It can become more demeaning to you to constantly mistrust, than to let a cheater make his/her own fatal mistake.

If you always avoid risk in relationships, you may never open the door to compelling love.

When kids react to divorce, relatives can help them by participating, instead of judging.

Flirting can be tolerated if it doesn't equal cheating, but persistent disrespect becomes intolerable.

When fear of moving forward is dominant, there's no hope for a relationship.

Show confidence in your relationship, while also staying alert to a third party's behaviour.

A bride's dream of being walked down the aisle by her father takes special understanding when divorce is a factor.

When a friend's relationship looks like trouble, ask leading questions to help him/her face what's really happening.

Loving couples need their relationship to remain their priority, even through tough challenges.

Fill your life with purpose instead of mourning what's missing

Joint custody relies on communication, without one parent’s control.